If spending 30 years on this planet has taught me anything, it’s how to be cryptic as hell. I’m hoping most women will relate to this post, otherwise I guess I’m just a total nutcase!
What I Say: “I’m fine”
What I Mean: “I’m totally NOT fine, but you can spend the next 15 minutes mulling over what you might have said over the past 30 minutes to royally piss me off”.
What I Say: “Do I look OK in this?”
What I Mean: “This isn’t actually a question, I want you to genuinely think I look amazing and tell me so 2,398 times before I leave the house – just so I’m sure”.
What I Say: “It only came to £8! Bargain, right!?”
What I Mean: “I’ve hidden the receipt and paid in cash so there’s no trace. £84.23 to be precise, but who’s counting?!”
What I Say: “Oh crap, I forgot to defrost the chicken for dinner tonight!”
What I Mean: “There was no chicken to defrost. I’ll just wait for you to suggest a takeaway”.
What I Say: “The kids have driven me mad today!”
What I Mean: “They’ve actually been OK, they argued over who got the shinier apple 6 hours ago but that was resolved quickly. I just want you to think I’m very stressed and need some peace and quiet so I can go chill out for 10 minutes”.
What I Say: “Why have we only got £13 in the bank?”
What I Mean: “Forget the fact I spent £2,473 on beauty boxes this month, remember on the 3rd when you bought yourself a fucking pack of cookies from Co Op!? You might as well be throwing money away!”
What I Say: “Susan, Harry’s Mum, needs me to look after her kids on Wednesday”
What I Mean: “Susan’s Husband has only gone and booked her a spa trip. Yeah, a spa trip! Do you remember when you did that for me? No… You didn’t”
What I Say: “I feel so fat”
What I Mean: “I’ve lost 2lb, can you tell? Tell me you can tell!”
Please tell me your “what I say VS what I mean” examples! I’d love to hear them!