My Anxiety Release: Instagram

If you read one of my previous blog posts you’ll already know that I was diagnosed with Agoraphobia and Panic Disorder a few months ago. I will divulge more at some point but the diagnosis is this simple: I have panic attacks, I fear the next panic attack, I dread leaving my home as I know wherever I head to will lead to Anxiety attacks. I have no reason or logic surrounding why they happen or why this is my life at the moment, I have no answers at to how long this will last, or specifically why they started – but they did and this is me, for now.

Make up : This is my outlet! This is where the fun, confident and bubbly person I was (& still am, somewhere) lets out her inner creativity! 

I started an Instagram account – about ME. On all other social media outlets I’m Mum, wife, homemaker, Pug owner. My Facebook is packed full of family outings, crafts with the kids, holidays and general “this needs to be captured” moments, a lot of selfies with the kids (because my Husband is a crap photographer and doesn’t think to capture the moments that I do!) & general posts. Like this:

I’m no model. I don’t class myself as particularly ‘pretty’. My face isn’t symmetrical, there are features I don’t ‘love’, I have those pesky wrinkles starting to creep up as I approach the big 3-0, but sitting at my mirror is where I can be whatever I want to be! I can be WHOEVER I want to be. It’s not even about what I think of myself – it’s about having a canvas to portray what I love, make up.

Now, here’s where my plea comes in. Please don’t think I’m vain, that I love myself, that I think I’m so perfect that I need to showcase my beauty, that I need the world to see my face – It’s not about any of those things.

It is purely an outlet to be ME, to do what I enjoy, my face is just a blank canvas to use for make up. 

My photos are ‘posey’, I know that. They’re posey because I’m showing my make up. Hand shots of new nails is ‘posey’ but that’s OK because it’s not your face? 

I don’t have a lot to be confident about right now, but I’m confident with how I do make up, let me have this outlet because I need this space to be my inner self.

Find me on Instagram here!

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